i really want to do a whole bunch of stuff??? like get closer with awesome people and write a book and draw lots of stuff but i just....nyeh i don't know. I'm currently reading a lot of things like percy jackson, hobbit and lotr, and i want to read the entire harry potter series too? plus i have driver's ed (online omfg shoot me) and school (lots of shoot me) sooooo yeah and with the book thingy im still not even sure what i would write, or if if would be manga? cause i've been having ideas that are gorgeusly impossible and incredible in my mind but URGH I DONT HAVE THAT TALENT.....i daydream and shit like that and the stuff im talking about is fucking amazing in my mind, usually the most WOW when listening to Counting Stars (fucking GREAT SONG) but yeeeahhh rant idk what the point of this was, probably to just post something that's not short and dumb like usual journal posts. in other news, its fucking cold. like, peeps gonna die if they go outside cold, for real too your lungs could crystallize. so im really scared about that actually its really dangerous and my grandma is really stuborn. she never goes to the hospital, ever.. and she has a coughing problem and shes probably gonna go outside to feed birds and im so worried cause i have so many amazing memories from her and she is actually a huge part in my life and i would probably never climb out of that depression....so yeah im pretty fucking freaked right now. it's not a fun thing, i worry about family deaths every fucking night so that doesn't help my depression at all....i actually had a major breakdown the first time in a while, like i was freaking out and shit thinking about losing the people close to me and i couldn't stop frantically gasping it was horrible i almost threw up... im not on meds or anything i just ignore reality to some extent for as long as i can, with tumblr and tv and stuff. it works fairly well, until i start thinking and thoughts lead to tears, pfff holy shit this is like the deepest journal ever? wow sorry for that, have a good night/day everyone, be safe!!!